CONFESSIONS OF A FAT GIRL

Oh boy, sick again

I felt wretched today and spent - no kidding - most of the day in bed. And why not? I had my rice cakes, water, a laptop and a lot of Ryan Reynolds -- I watched The Proposal and Definitely Maybe and enjoyed both. 

I gave my hair a really thorough washing and it's so soft and lovely now. Is that a weird thing to share?

I treated myself to a nap in the later afternoon. Something I haven't done in AGES. Do you nap? I highly recommend it. 

And after a dinner that included soup and dry toast (I know, I know - such decadence), I moved my laziness to the couch so I could catch up on Tivo. So much good TV on these days. What are you watching? 

I'm hooked on USA's White Collar. Matthew Bomer, its star? Adorable. I love Eastwick, which is campy and endearing and I totally dig the main guy's humor. I'm still a complete Law & Order junkie - all three franchises now...

Oh TV, it's my warm and comforting friend.

I also read today. Caught up on some magazines and some news and a new book...

Sometimes being sick is okay but if I miss work this week, I'm screwed.

Translation: thanks for the visit, now GO AWAY!

TGIF

I'm about to go to bed and it's not even midnight. I know that's not unusual for a lot of people but for me, this is painfully early. I am a night person to the core and am typically happy to stay up extraordinarily late, even when it means I'm tired the following day.

What's the easiest way to not face life's problems? Sleep.

But first, The Ellen Degeneres show courtesy of Tivo for it makes me smile.

Good night, boys and girls.

Day 4

Nanoblopomo... Why am I doing this to myself?! LOL. I have pledged to write an entry every day for the next month.

BTW, those of you who tease me for being a blogger-slacker, you may shut it now.

And when was the last time I wrote anything of substance anyway? So if this makes me pay attention...

The diet... or rather, the eating healthy and exercising... The eating healthy I can manage so long as I put my mind to it. And often, I know I don't. But due to my ankle problem (I have posterior tibial tendonitis), the physical activity has been frustrating.

A friend came over one night to take me walking and it was actually a lot of fun. We talked and joked which made the time go by faster. And I couldn't always keep up with the pace but I made it with some success and felt sorta proud. When we got home, I propped up my foot and iced it and felt pretty sure I was okay.

The next morning, I got out of bed and fell over. I was completely unable to walk on my right foot. It was awful. I crawled to the shower like a moron. I used a cane for support for the next few days. More than anything, I was just really pissed off.

And frankly, it still hurts more than it should.

It HAD to be the right foot, by the way. Traffic is murder on me these days. So much pedal shifting. Thanks, Los Angeles!

You know, if anyone out there has some experience with this, I'd love to hear it. If anyone can suggest an exercise that is low-impact on the feet/ankles and won't leave me looking like one of those women with a skinny top and gigantic bottom (pear shape!), that's be fab.

Tacky Lines

Yesterday, a very strange man on a dating website e-mailed me "think you'd make cute babies with me?"

{{shudders}}

Um, ew?

I'm easily flattered but even still, I have my limits. And that was on the other side of the line... He couldn't come up with anything better than THAT?

Back to work, idiot boy. Go find a new trademark. You fail.

It's a nice, simple reminder that I am still allowed to have my standards and be picky. I keep my head held high, awaiting a proper pick-up line like "Did it hurt where you fell... from heaven?"

And now, I'm off to dreamland -- if only the neighbor wasn't playing with her crying baby right outside my window.

She was probably suckered by something like the "cute babies" line. Fool!

I Love You, Carrie Underwood

I love music that EMPOWERS me. I love this song, Carrie Underwood's new single, "Cowboy Cassanova":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nu32vyCldh8

The embedding is disabled so apologies -- you gotta click.

I wanna put my boots on and go kick some ass. Or something. I don't know... this song builds me up. It's a song that's gonna shoot me out onto the dance floor.

And by the way, talk about empowerment, check out how is started. (I'm an Idol geek) What a trip:

Ah youth...

You know I volunteer with a youth group? Well below, please find my handy-dandy tips*  for surviving a weekend out of town with the kiddies…

   They only LOOK peaceful...

1. Inappropriate lyrics. Yeah, they like Afro-man and Easy E. How did this happen? Oh surely we were the same way (except me-  I was an angel).  But when you hear those melodious tones start — say with something touching like Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin” — and before you know it, you hear something about your brother fucking his sister with her legs… well, I’ll stop there. WHAT DO YOU DO?

Solution: Hit them. Find the heaviest object within reach and throw it at their leader. Just pick a kid if you have to. But throw something heavy, make it hurt and tell them that if you ever hear such profanity again, no one will be able to stop you from throwing someone out the window.

2. Breaking curfew. In bed by 1am? As if!? Tell them 1am if you want to be in bed by 3, friends. God bless the girl who just HAS to hug every boy good night but shit, girlfriend, advisors need a rest!

Solution: Padlocks. Bind their hands and ankles if you have to and then padlock their doors. Oh sure, they may whine for silly things like “oxygen” and “nourishment” but we all know that’s just a clever scheme. They don’t want sustenance – they want to reach out and touch someone after hours. Well, eff that!

3. Disrespect during religious services. Has this ever happened to you? You’re standing, reciting the prayer on page 193 and two rows away, a group of disrespectful teens are texting, whispering and/or throwing things at the kids in front of them. Rotten little monsters. No one’s asking them to pray – just show respect and keep still for 30 minutes, m’kay?

Solution: The Dolores Umbridge Method. You know – that scene in Harry Potter where he has to write out sentences over and over and whatever he writes is etched into the back of his hand in BLOOD with excruciating, undeniable pain and torture? Do that. We’re advisors. Aren’t we supposed to be omnipotent or something? If that doesn’t work, please refer to solution #1.

Actually, I have to tell you, solution #1 is your best bet in most scenarios. Plus, it makes you feel really, really COOL.

*Infantile fantasy only

And if you're not detecting my sarcasm, let me clear it up by saying in conclusion: I love my kids. I do. They are amazing and smart and brave and hilarious.

But I'm never having my OWN. So there, mom. SO THERE!

Quote of the Night -- A True Winner

From me & Matt, a gay man who, for Halloween, dressed up a heterosexual frat boy of the "I-Felta-Thigh" fraternity:

Me: You watch Project Runway dude?
Him: My girlfriend does. And then she cries at the end. And then I do 'er. 

And then we proceeded to laugh til we cried.

And that was only on the WAY to the party!

Social Media Revolution

I love this...

Shopping Tip

Found this website courtesy of Plus Model Magazine and thought some of their clothes were pretty cute (and inexpensive)!  Happy shopping.

 

 

Much Laughter

This is just a quick entry.

Let's just say on an unnamed dating website, I was just solicited by an older man. Well, not too much older -- 41 (I'm 30).

I looked at his profile.

Career? CHURCH LEADER.

Upon further research? Reverend. I guess the kind that is allowed to date.

Now I'm not anti-religion. I'm just anti-too much religion for myself. So my response to this has to be tasteful and respectful.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

No, I guess I can't send that.

I will just check the "not interested" box.

TGIF. Godspeed.